I Wish I Hadn’t Chosen Direct Cremation: The Goodbye I Never Got to Say

When my father passed away, I thought I was making a practical decision. Grief makes you want to simplify things, to strip away the fuss and formality. So when I was told about direct cremation—no service, no viewing, no attendees—I thought it sounded right. Simple. Affordable. Dignified.

At the time, I convinced myself it was what Dad would have wanted. He was never one for ceremony, and he used to joke that funerals were “for the living, not the dead.” I thought skipping all of that would spare me and the family extra pain. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The first thing I didn’t expect was the silence. When I got the call that Dad had been cremated, that was it—no gathering, no moment to stand by his coffin, no final goodbye. Just an email and later, an urn delivered quietly by a courier. It felt so abrupt, like the world had moved on without giving me a chance to catch my breath.

Funerals, I now realise, aren’t just about ceremony. They’re about closure. They give you a space to grieve together, to share stories, to see the faces of people who loved the same person you did. I missed that. There was no wake, no flowers, no eulogy, no shared laughter through tears. Just an empty kind of finality.

In the weeks after, I found myself craving that ritual. I wanted to stand in a chapel, hear his favourite song, and let the weight of it all sink in. I wanted someone to say his name out loud in front of others—to acknowledge that his life mattered. Without that, my grief just sat inside me, unspoken and unfinished.

Looking back, I wish I had chosen a funeral director. They don’t just organise logistics; they guide you through the act of saying goodbye. They understand that the small details—the flowers, the service, the coffin, the people—are part of the healing. Direct cremation took all that away from me.

If I could do it again, I would choose differently. I’d allow myself that ceremony, that space, that chance to honour him properly. Because sometimes the simplest option isn’t the kindest one—not for the person we’ve lost, but for those left behind.

Authors note - We’re grateful to share this honest reflection from someone who chose direct cremation and later realised the value of a traditional service. Their story is a gentle reminder that goodbyes matter.

Shared with care by Meadowvale Funeral Services – helping families create meaningful farewells, however simple or traditional they may be

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